


All I've Ever Wanted

by boos_pledis



Series: EXO Party-verse [3]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bottom Oh Sehun, Cute Oh Sehun, Feelings Realization, Love Confessions, M/M, Oh Sehun Being Dumb, Oh Sehun Needs a Hug, Oh Sehun is Bad at Feelings, Oh Sehun-centric, Slice of Life, Top Kim Jongdae | Chen, Unrequited Love, Walk Into A Bar, but not really, past crushes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:00:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26767654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boos_pledis/pseuds/boos_pledis
Summary: Sehun can't believe Jongin, of all people, is the one that helps him realize his feelings for Jongdae.Now he actually has to deal with them.
Relationships: Kim Jongdae | Chen/Oh Sehun
Series: EXO Party-verse [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1945147
Comments: 10
Kudos: 34





	All I've Ever Wanted

Sehun glares, "Why did you call me here?" 

Jongin takes a careful sip from his glass of water and clears his throat, "Well, I'm here in hopes of being...friends," Jongin says it with a rather disgusted look on his face. 

Sehun blurts out laughing, he doesn't believe Jongin would ever try to be friends with him, and the feeling is mutual. Sehun, before Jongin came into the picture, was with Minseok first. Sure, their relationship was casual, but that doesn't mean Sehun didn't have feelings. They were just sprung on him one day and actually, the same day he was going to tell him, Minseok came in, smiling as bright as the sun, and told Sehun he met someone, he met someone and he's _sorry_ _because he has to end their casual relationship_. Then he figured out that it was _Jongin_ , who stole Minseok from him, who would eventually become the love of Minseok's life, who would eventually marry him and live _happily ever after_. 

Sehun has resented Jongin ever since, "Okay, so why are you really here?" he asks after he sobers up. 

"Well, since Minseok has finally put an end to your hoe-like tendencies, I thought that I should let you know," Jongin brushes a piece of hair that flings right back into its place, "Jongdae is in love with you." 

"No he's not," is Sehun's immediate reply, eyebrows scrunched downwards.   
  
"Oh, yes he is, my dear, Sehunnie," Jongin sighs, "typical, you don't see it. But luckily for you, I've seen the looks given, the wordless exchanges, the hungry eye-stripping, the caring words and gestures. It reminds me a lot of when Minseok and I were dating." 

"What are you going on about?" Sehun feels irritation pulsing through his viens.

"Do you have feelings for Jongdae?" 

"What? No, I don't, he's only a casual hook up." 

"Tell me how you feel when you're with him." 

"And why would I tell you that?" 

"Now is not the time to be stubborn, this is your potential love life on the line, Sehun," Jongin reprimands and raises an expectant eyebrow. Sehun challenges him by not answering with a blank expression, "fine, let's try this way. When you're with him, do you feel safe?" 

Sehun bites his lip, but answers anyway, "yes." 

"Do you get this warm feeling in your chest when you're around him?" 

"...yes."

"Do you notice some of his habits? How he sleeps, his desert preferances, a certain thing he does when he's happy, stuff you wouldn't typically notice about people?" 

Sehun thinks about Jongdae's smile, how he has noticed the way the corners of his lips twitch before splitting widely into a kittenish smile, how loud or soft he laughs when he finds something particularly funny or fakes a laugh for the sake of another person, the deep crinkles in the corners of his crescent eyes, "Yeah," he answer reluctantly. 

"Do you think about him more than you should when it comes to a 'casual relationship'?" Jongin puts finger quotes around last two words. 

That's been happening for a little while, the littlest things will remind him of Jongdae. Jongdae really has been living in Sehun's mind rent free. He even remembers how yesterday he saw a kitten plushie and wanted to buy it for Jongdae - he _almost_ _did_. He should be thinking about Jongdae, but not as much as he has recently, especially with Jongdae being his fuck buddy/sugar daddy - though Sehun liked to call it generous compensation for carrying out certain actions. 

"Yes." 

"Then congratulations, Sehun, you have officially caught feelings," Jongin gives him a big smile, not totally fake, but not completely genuine either.

"Fuck."

///

Sehun canceled on Jongdae. They were supposed to meet up so they could pull a classy netflix and chill, but now that Sehun realizes he has feelings for Jongdae, he's scared. Scared it'll end up exactly like the Minseok situation, and every other time before that. So it's only a normal reaction for Sehun to avoid his feelings and avoid Jongdae altogether. 

Jongdae has been blowing up his phone ever since he sent his one text - _I can't make it today_. That was all he said, nothing more, nothing less. Jongdae has been texting him nonstop, even called him a few times, but Sehun has ignored all of them. At one point, he settles for turning the phone off completely. 

Sehun, in the worst state of mind, impulsive and attempting to do anything to get his mind off of Jongdae, who's probably worried about him, decides to go to the bar and find someone else to sleep with, just so maybe he can forget about these stupid feelings, even for a second. 

He threw on some clothes that accentuated his assets, painted his eyes sharper yet bolder, and left the house, his phone forgotten on the table. 

Sehun drives to the bar closest to his apartment, slipping inside and heading to the bar immediately so he could get a fruity drink and wait for someone to flirt with him. He flags down the bartender then waits for his order, looking around the bar to see if anyone catches his eye. 

It's crowded tonight, but Sehun finds some handsome faces among the crowd. Then his eyes land on him, his eyes land on _Kim Jongdae_ , who is enjoying a drink with Minseok, Junmyeon, and Kyungsoo. Well, enjoying may be a bit too strong of a word. He keeps checking his phone and he looks disinterested in what the others are conversing and laughing about. Jongdae appears to be... _worried_. 

Sehun turns away, refuses to acknowledge his prescence. He's here to specifically not think about Jongdae, he's going to get him off of his mind one way or another. 

Thankfully, Sehun doesn't have to look hard for a distraction. It comes walking up to him in the form of a man with an attractive face and a buff body, something Sehun could work with.

Sehun's drink is placed on the bar by the time the man is sitting on the stool next to him. Sehun turns on all his charms, grabbing the drink and deliberately wrapping his lips slowly around the straw before sucking. The man watches his mouth the whole time. 

"Are you here alone?" 

Sehun sets down the drink and looks up at the man from underneath his eyelashes. "Who's asking?" 

"Someone who is..." he scans him head to toe, eye-fucking him basically, "...ready to take what you're willing to give." 

"Well, it's your lucky day, big boy, I'm feeling particularly generous tonight," Sehun smirks at him and flutters his eyelashes a couple times. 

"Bathroom?" 

And that's how Sehun ends up making out with a complete stranger. His lower back is dug into by the sharp edge of the counter, but Sehun ignores it in favor of tasting the man in front of him. Hands are on him waist, squeezing and pulling him closer so their clothed dicks brush lightly. 

If Sehun's going to be completely honest with himself, this stranger tastes like cheap beer and cigarettes. It's kind of turning him off, but he's doing his best to ignore it. He blocks out the unhelpful voice in his mind reminding him of how Jongdae tasted, how good he tastes, not just his mouth but everything on the outside as well as the inside. 

The stranger squeezes his side roughly and Sehun can't help the wince it pulls from him. He covers it with a moan as best he can. Jongdae was always rough with him, but in a gentle manner, and though that sounds contradictory, that's the only way to explain it. Sehun liked it rough, but not too rough, and Jongdae was that beautifully perfect inbetween that he needed and wanted. 

God, he's thinking about Jongdae again. Sehun pulls the stranger closer, kisses him harder in hopes of forgetting. However, if anything, it only makes him think about Jongdae more. 

The man who's rough, calloused hand - Jongdae's hands were better, they were soft yet thick, the divine combination - is starting to sneak up Sehun's t-shirt. The kiss is making Sehun lose interest, the guy's lips are chapped, so chapped it's like tiny, pointy rocks stratching at Sehun's lips. 

But it's only when the man's other hand moves to undo his belt that Sehun realizes he _can't_ go through with this. He feels closed in, caged in, like he can't escape if he wanted to and Sehun _hates it_.

He pushes the other's hand away from his belt and pulls away, speaking through pants, "Wait, I-I can't do this, I don't-I don't want to do this anymore." 

But the stranger doesn't stop, his mouth latching and stratching down the side of Sehun's pale neck, his hands gripping tighter as he begins to whisper into Sehun's skin, "C'mon, baby, I'll show you a really good time, I promise-" 

"No, stop-stop that," Sehun pushes at his chest, makes the guy back off a bit, his face away from him but his hands and body still close. 

"What? We're so into this, are you really going to be a tease?" 

Sehun's surpised by the amount of attitude in the guy's voice and attempts to pry the man's hands off of his waist one by one, "I'm not a tease, I just changed my mind. I don't want to do this." 

The stranger doesn't like that answer and tightens his grip, enough to pull a wince and a whimper from Sehun and to make his hands fall limp, "What the fuck? You started this and now you're just backing out?" 

"You're hurting me," Sehun whines and wriggles uncomfortably, "yes, fucktard, now let go of me."

Sehun stops trying to push the guy away when he doesn't budge. _Oh fuck_ , Sehun thinks to himself as a dark glint appears in the stranger's eyes. Something tells Sehun that he's not leaving Sehun alone until he gets exactly what he wants from him, regardless of whether Sehun wants to give it up or not. 

"You're not leaving. You started it, so you finish it." 

"I said no, you idiot, let me go," Sehun eventually gets the smart idea to pinch the skin of the guy's forearm and it's both helpful and stupid because yes, it indeed gets him to let go of Sehun, but at the same time manages to piss him off even more. 

"You fucking slut! Oh, you're really about to take it up the-" he's cut off in the middle of his sentence as well as paused in his action of securing Sehun's wrists in an irongrip. 

Sehun's trembling in fear at this point, so he almost cries out in immense relief at the familiar voice interrupting what used to be his future rapist, "Take it up the what?" 

_Jongdae._

The stranger holding Sehun turns and looks at Jongdae's bored figure leaning against the door frame of the bathroom, but Sehun sees the livid fire filling Jongdae's blacked irises, "This has nothing to do with you, carry on, man." 

"Well, now it does include me because I believe that the little chick right there just told you no, and yet you don't seem to be moving away from him," Jongdae picks at his nails as if this whole interaction is wasting his time.

"You can either pretend like you didn't see anything, or-" the stranger reaches for the front pocket of his jeans. Sehun flickers his eyes down to the hand and then to Jongdae, trying to signal him even though he doesn't know what he's supposed to be signalling to him. 

Sehun's eyes are fixated on the hand starting to retrieve something from the pocket, but then he hears the click of a gun, "Don't even think about it. Not only can I shoot you dead at this moment, but I can also ruin your life with the snap of my fingers. You see, I'm a very, _very_ powerful man, with some even more powerful friends. So I'd think carefully about your next moves here." 

It's not the right time, Sehun knows it's not the right time, but he can't help the shiver that runs down his spine at the ominous tone Jongdae's voice takes on. It's hot, deadly sexy, and it makes Sehun think that he would let Jongdae hold him at gun point if he spoke to him like that. 

The man on Sehun suddenly lets go, abruptly, roughly, shoving Sehun back against the counter and storming out of bathroom, "You can have the slut, I don't give a fuck." 

Sehun exhales and closes his eyes, takes a couple deep breaths in an attempt to slow and calm down his racing heart, "oh my god," he whispers to himself because he can barely believe that happened. 

"Are you okay?" Jongdae asks, approaching Sehun as he tucks the gun into the back of his pants. 

Sehun's heart rate picks up again, but for a different reason. Jongdae's so close and he's so _worried_. He can't even verbally respond to Jongdae's question because he knows he'll turn into a blubbering idiot, so he settles for a nod and allows Jongdae to guide him out of the bathroom and bar, after a quick and probably slightly confusing goodbye to Minseok, Junmyeon, and Kyungsoo. 

///

Sehun's wrapped up in a fuzzy yellow blanket, his blankie that has a little duckie design printed on it, his make up smudged, his body crashing from the adrenaline rush after the encounter, and his mind reeling because Jongdae is sitting pretty close to him. He hasn't said a single word since he brought Sehun back to his penthouse. 

Then he speaks, "Why did you blow me off?" Jongdae doesn't sound particularly mad, more sad than anything, "we had plans for the whole night and you blew me off to go to the bar and hook up with a stranger?" 

Sehun's not proud of what happened. But his feelings, they're just...they're too much. Sehun has never ended up with anybody he's ever fallen for or developed feelings for.

Wu Yifan, Sehun's high school best friend, rejected Sehun's confession, said they couldn't ever be anything more than friends. Zhang Yixing, a really sweet guy in Sehun's university, rejected him too, said he was a good person, but he didn't like him that way. Lu Han, a neighbor Sehun had grown quite close to, so close they would sleep over at each other's apartments, cut him off after Sehun had kissed him one night, even moved out of the building a week later because it affected him that much. Huang Zitao, a former fuck buddy Sehun met through Tinder, had at least given him a chance - does one date count as a chance? - but broke his heart the day after because it was weird and he didn't actually have feelings for Sehun. 

And then there was Kim Minseok. Sehun met Minseok through his shitty job, was recruited by him, and eventually, their mutual friendship changed into a casual one. Sehun had such strong feelings for Minseok, he was sure Minseok was _the one_. But Minseok obviously didn't feel the same, he dropped Sehun the second he met Jongin, a friend of Baekhyun's that wished to join their gang. Sehun was nothing more than a mere memory, and regardless of how many times Minseok called him a great _friend_ , he knew Minseok would barely acknowledge his existence with Jongin around. 

Now he has feelings for Kim Jongdae, yet another person that's only going to break his heart. Sehun doesn't know if he can bear another rejection. 

"Because I wanted to," Sehun's words are cold and disconnected. 

"That's not the Sehun I know, my Sehunnie would never do anything without a reason," Jongdae replies with a hurt tone. 

It hurts. The words _my Sehunnie_ forces Sehun's heart to thump painfully, "What Sehun do you know?" Sehun scoffs and looks down at his lap, pulling the blanket tighter around himself as tears begin to well up in his eyes. He refuses to let them fall, Sehun is _not_ weak.

"My Sehun is an absolute brat, but he's sweet and caring too. At first you might not think so, he appears cold and closed off, but once you get to know him, he's a _baby_. My Sehunnie is someone who gives back as much as he recieves. That is the Sehun I want, the Sehun that brings joy into my life with his sassy attitudes and beautiful eye smiles, that's the Sehun I-I..." Jongdae hesitates. 

"That you...what?" Sehun finds himself asking, curiousity peaked. His heart rate spikes and he hates how hope swells in his chest when he knows that nothing is going to happen. Jongdae isn't going to say the words he wants to hear. He'll probably fill in the blanks with something like - _that I cherish as a good friend_. 

Jongdae holds back from answer, his eyes flickering all over the place as an internal debate goes on. Sehun can see both sides going back and forth and back and forth until ultimately, Jongdae comes out with it. 

"...That's the Sehun I love." 

Sehun is stunned into silence. For a moment, he wonders if he heard Jongdae right, wonders if he's hallucinating or if his mind supplied the words in place of what Jongdae really said as some sort of fucked up defense mechanism. 

"You what?" 

"I love you, Sehun. I have for a little while now." 

Sehun's mouth is dropped open in disbelief, his eyes wide, "Wh-why didn't you say anything earlier? Why are you telling me this now?" 

"You always went after Minseok, you made the line between feelings and no feelings pretty clear, Sehunnie." 

Although it causes Sehun physical pain to admit this, Jongin was... _right_. Jongdae does have feelings for him, and Sehun returns them full force.

"Tonight, actually, I was going to...I was going to confess to you over dinner, but then you blew me off to go to the club, alone, and that made the message pretty clear," Jongdae fills in the silence when Sehun doesn't reply. 

Sehun feels like a total asshole for making Jongdae think that way, especially since it's far from the truth, "No, Jongdae, it's-it's not like that-" 

"Sehunnie," Jongdae places a hand on Sehun's knee and gives him a small smile, one that's forced, ingenuine, doesn't reach his eyes, "there's no need to explain yourself. I understand that you don't return my feelings, it's okay-" 

"Jongdae, you're not understanding me. I-I blew you off today because I'm _in love_ with you," Sehun says the words out loud, blurts them really, and he doesn't think he's ever said anything as freeing as that phrase because for once in his life, _someone loves Sehun back_. 

Jongdae freezes for a second, "You-you what?" 

Sehun let's the blanket fall from his body and scoots closer, scoops up Jongdae's hand on his knee and holds it tightly between his own two hands, "I was scared. I've only ever been rejected before, I've never had a real relationship. Everyone I got feelings for, everyone I fell for, they never liked me at all," now that he's exposed his feelings, Sehun feels like he can't stop talking, "I kept going for Minseok because I thought that he might...I thought what we had before was special, even though we never dated. I just...didn't want to give up again, I'm so tired of being heartbroken and not getting what I want. Jongin made me...he made me realize my feelings for you, how strong they actually were, I was just too stupid to notice." 

"You're not stupid, Sehun," Jongdae reprimands and scoots closer, using his other hand to cup Sehun's left cheek, "you're the most brilliant man I've ever had the pleasure of knowing." 

Sehun sees it, sees the love and adoration Jongdae holds for him. Before, when Jongdae showed this emotion, Sehun had never known what it meant or what Jongdae was feeling, he wasn't able to decipher it, but now, he knows. It's Jongdae's love for him and he's happy to receive it, wants to receive it like he's never received anything before. 

This man whose smile challenges the sun, whose caring nature has always made Sehun feel safe and comfortable, whose beautiful voice, speaking or singing, raises his flesh into shiver-inducing goose bumps, whose heart is so genuinely _good_ , likes - no - _loves_ Sehun. He loves him inside and out, wishes the best for him, cares for him, wants him for his mind and his body and his soul. 

Sehun has been rejected in his past, rejected so many times that even now, even as he stares into the endless galaxies of Jongdae's eyes, he can't ignore the faint fear implanted in his heart, but he knows one thing for certain. 

_Jongdae is all he has ever wanted._

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!


End file.
